Weight loss
Vicki Ellis, a 33-year-old social worker from Brighton, knew that at 22 stone, and 5ft 9in tall, she must do something about her weight so as she stood by her friend’s graveside she promised to change.
“My weight didn’t become a problem until I hit my teens. Up until then I was a normal size but as I became a teenager my weight began to bother me. By the time I hit my twenties my weight had ballooned to 22 stone and I kept putting off doing something about it. It wasn’t so much that I ate badly, it was more that I didn’t stop. When other people had enough I would want more. But when my closest friend Keith died of bowl cancer last year at only 42 I vowed to tackle my size.
His death really made me realise that you only get one chance to enjoy life and I didn’t want to put my life on hold any more. We met eight years ago and had been very close ever since. Keith loved and accepted me exactly the way I was which gave me confidence. Without him I felt bereft. He believed in me and always thought I would find someone special because he knew that was important to me. The day after the funeral I took the decision to change and I made a call that would change my life.
I grew up in a weight conscious family. My mother would watch what she ate and take an active interest in what I ate too. Whilst my friends at school were skinny size 10’s I had started to fill out and was a heavier size 14. I was never bullied about my weight but it did affect my confidence. The area it hurt the most was with boys because my friends would all be dating while I was the ‘good-friend’.
My weight was becoming a bone of contention between me and my mum too because she thought if you weren’t slim you couldn’t be happy. She often went to slimming classes and it was my mum who first took me to Weight Watchers. I was 15 and weighed about 13 stone. Mum was very aware of me eating the wrong things like sweets and chocolates so I began to eat them in secret. I would pretend to be going somewhere else but then go to the shop and buy bars of chocolate, like Boosts and Drifters. I’d get them back to my bedroom and eat them in secret because I didn’t feel I could eat them openly without being judged.
Going away to university was a turning point as I was responsible for my own eating habits. At Lancaster University I took a degree BA Honours in Applied Social Sciences. Whilst there I wasn’t answerable to anybody and would eat and drink to excess. Although I ate what my friends ate, I had ever larger quantities and would eat between meals too. I was around 15 stone when I went to university and was 18 stone when I left. I remember there would be summer balls and other occasions where the girls could dress up in beautiful dresses but I couldn’t.
It was at university that I met my boyfriend John. We were together for seven years. At first he was a bit concerned what his mates might think of me. Would they make jokes or sly comments about my weight? But we all got on OK. John had a very black and white approach to weight problems, if it makes you unhappy, diet and exercise. But for me it wasn’t that simple. I joined Slimming World but I would lose a few pounds then put on more again. Or I would go for long periods thinking it wasn’t a problem and ignore it.
When I left University I got a job in Cheltenham as a Student Community Action Co-ordinator and John started work in Shoreham, West Sussex as an odds compiler for the horse-racing publication Super Form. It meant we had a long distance relationship. At that time I was aware I didn’t look how I wanted to look, I couldn’t wear the latest fashions and things like that. But in other ways it was a great time in my life. I loved my job and I had great friends so I didn’t worry too much about my weight.
Then me and John decided to live together and bought a house in Portslade and I started work for East Sussex Social Services as a Family Resource Worker. I enjoyed my job, but I was a long way from my family and the friends I’d made in Cheltenham. Gradually my weight was creeping up as I comfort ate. I was always either on a diet or overeating because I felt deprived of food. It was a vicious circle and my weight crept up to 22 stone.
The cracks in my relationship with John started to show because we wanted different things from life. I really wanted a family but John wasn’t sure. All my friends were settling down and getting married and having children and it’s what I wanted too. John loved me no matter my size but at the end of the day I think the decision to split was right for us both.
By now I had started a course to gain my social work qualification which was a dream come true. It was on this course that I first met Keith. He had been a musician and worked in the media department at Reading University. He was such a lovely person. He never saw me as being overweight, he just liked me for me. We spent a lot of time together watching videos and laughing at The Office. There was a group of us who hung around together and we gave ourselves the nickname The Pink Ladies, including Keith.
He had a way with him that reinforced a positive image in me that I didn’t feel for myself. He was also one of the most compassionate people I ever met. He knew I really wanted to have what my friends had with husbands and children and so we’d hang out in coffee bars going through singles pages, giggling over who would make a good future partner for me. He never doubted that I would have that.
But I was lonely, missing John and my family and eating was a way of dulling the pain, it was an emotional crutch. I was miserable being so overweight and so I went back to Slimming World. Slowly over the next two years I lost 7 stone. I was approaching 30 and I weighed just over 15 stone so I held a big birthday party to celebrate. I hadn’t been that weight since I was a teenager and I felt great.
Then a bombshell hit. Keith was diagnosed with cancer. It was such a shock. Over the next few months he had two courses in chemotherapy. Even during that time he was more concerned about me and would ask me to ensure I got support which was typical of Keith. Then he made a quality of life decision not to carry on with treatment. It was very difficult to come to terms with. A lot of the time I didn’t see him as he was with his family. That was typical of him too because he would protect his friends from the worst. I went to the Sussex Cancer Centre with him and was there when he contacted the hospice.
I’d got a new job at a children’s Hospital which was very stressful. I sometimes had to make difficult decisions about whether or not a child should stay with her parents. I knew that the decisions I made might end up traumatising people who’d already had a difficult life. That almost finished me off and so the weight crept back up as I ate to cope.
Over the next year or so my weight went right back up to 20 stone which is not surprising since I had never dealt with the underlying cause of the problem. Then in May last year I got the call that I dreaded to say that Keith had taken a turn for the worse. He died the next day. I knew it was coming but I was still shocked. I had seen him the week before and we’d had a laugh watching The Office. But through the grief I had an epiphany, you only live once, make it the life you want.
I’d always had strong ideas about what I wanted but was held back by my weight and now I was going to change. The day after the funeral I called Lighter Life and spoke to Mary Kemp, the counsellor. Once I started the programme I lost weight steadily. Their approach is that those who qualify to join are food addicts. To deal with this we abstain from conventional food and instead have four food packs a day that contain all the nutrients and vitamins you need.
There are also weekly sessions where we look at our behaviour and learn new techniques for dealing with life. It has been a huge process of change for me that has involved my whole family. I’ve become closer to my sister because although she is very slim she has had difficulties with food too. I learnt from her how to deal with food issues differently. My parents always wanted the best for me when they encouraged me to lose weight. But we have spoken about them accepting me the way I am without any pressure about what I eat or how much I weigh.
Over the last 8 months I’ve lost 8 stone and have had to look at all my behaviour which is why I think this time I’ll keep the weight off. I have a new job where I am happier and I am learning to put myself first. I miss Keith everyday, but I know he would be proud of what I’ve done. You only have one chance to get it right in life and I knew had to take it.